This is a little embarrassing, but I spent almost $800 on a pair of shoes just so I could feel worthy.
And that’s not all...
I also got hair extensions for the first time in my life, and bought an expensive dress.
At the time, it felt like the reasonable thing to do.
I was invited to speak on a national panel, and I told myself that in order to look the part of a successful, confident, leader, that I needed to have all of the trappings of success.
The truth was, I felt intimidated when I saw the other women who were on the panel with me.
They had built successful companies from the ground up, while I was just the beneficiary of my dad building a successful business.
I felt like an imposter.
I thought that the expensive clothes and shoes would make me feel like I belonged.
But what actually happened was not quite what I expected.
The designer dress I purchased was difficult to sit in. I couldn’t figure out how to properly position myself in the chair on stage, so I kept shuffling from side to side.
The expensive shoes I bought were IMPOSSIBLE to walk in, and hurt my feet so badly, that I would have preferred to kick them off and walk around barefoot (and to be clear - the thought of that normally would have made me throw up!)
But even more so than the tight dress and uncomfortable shoes, I felt the weight of feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be on that stage with those women.
Each time I answered a question, I judged myself.
I compared my responses with those of the other women, and felt smaller each time.
By the time it was over, I couldn’t wait to get out of the room.
I realized in that moment, that no amount of expensive clothing or designer shoes would rid me of the feelings of unworthiness.
All of the time I spent in curating a perfect outfit distracted me from addressing the real issue - my thoughts.
Here’s what I learned from that:- No matter how much you work on the outside, you will never feel worthy until you address the thoughts on the inside.
The REAL work comes from understanding who you are, and why you do the things you do.
I spent the past few years truly studying myself.
I invested in my own coaching, and have had so many transformational breakthroughs that I barely recognize that woman in the Louboutin heels and hair extensions!
Now I show up in confidence in every part of my life.
I believe in myself and my abilities.
I have my own back, which means what I don’t know, I am 100% confident I can figure out.
I’m not a special unicorn though….
If I can do it, so can you.
All you have to do is to make a decision, and take action!