ENCORE: How to Set Boundaries
As the year progresses, the pace quickens with a flurry of responsibilities, demands, invitations, and, inevitably, guilt. That's precisely why I felt it was important to revisit my previously published Episode 9, which delves into the crucial topic of setting boundaries.
In this episode, I guide you through the process of establishing healthy boundaries—a practice that not only improves your interactions with others but also nurtures a more loving relationship with yourself. I'll address the common pitfalls of setting boundaries incorrectly, such as using them to exert control in a relationship or failing to maintain the established limits.
I explain how poorly set boundaries can detrimentally impact your relationships. Then, I show how appropriately set boundaries can promote love, connection, and intimacy, enriching your interactions with others as well as with yourself. You will receive a three-step process for creating healthy boundaries and actionable steps that you can put into practice starting today.
[01:37] Boundaries are the rules we set for ourselves in relationships. They are a form of protection for a personal, mental, and physical space.
[02:06] Boundaries make it clear what you will and will not tolerate in your life. Setting boundaries correctly helps create more intimacy and connection.
[02:44] If you set up a boundary trying to control a person's behavior, you are setting up an ultimatum. This is like withholding affection until they do what you want them to do. This is an example of a poorly set boundary.
[04:14] Handing over how you feel to another person is a sign of personal weakness.
[04:20] Another problematic behavior is not upholding your boundary when violated.
[04:45] Not following through with the consequences of your boundaries makes them a request. This can be an issue for people who are people pleasers. They might think that they are being unkind or cruel by following through with the consequences of their boundaries.
[05:14] When people violate the boundaries you present to them, you become resentful and feel disrespected because you think they shouldn't do that.
[06:44] Resentment by not enforcing boundaries or not having your boundaries expected reduces the opportunity for a genuine loving relationship.
[07:02] The most significant damage of not setting boundaries correctly is the damage that it does to you. You're robbing yourself of control.
[08:57] I want to teach you how to set boundaries so that you can create healthy relationships with other people and yourself.
[09:11] #1 You need to communicate clearly what your boundary is. #2 Clearly communicate what you will do if the boundary is violated. The consequence of a boundary always states what you will do if the other person doesn’t honor the boundary.
[11:24] Allow the other person to decide how they will behave moving forward. You're not controlling their behavior. They have the free will to continue doing the behavior, and you have the free will to follow through with the consequences. #3 Follow through.
[12:50] Setting boundaries the correct way with the intention of honoring both you and the other person is the most loving, honest, and genuine thing you can do in any relationship.
[13:49] Write down the name of the person you've been thinking about this entire episode. Then write down three reasons why that person would benefit from a boundary set from a place of love. Write down one boundary you will set with this person and what you will do if that boundary is violated.
Links and Resources:
Dr. Krystal Conner
Dr. Krystal Conner Instagram
Dangerous Woman Manifesto
The Qualities Successful Women Embody (That makes them DANGEROUS)