2 Reasons You Haven't Reached Your Goals
Think back to the beginning of the year. Remember that fresh new year that was full of promises? Even if you don’t set beginning-of-the-year goals, this episode will give you some clues as to why you may not be reaching the goals you want to achieve yearly. If you feel dread when you think about August already here and how you only have a few months left this year, this episode is for you.
Two main reasons we struggle with achieving our goals are identity attachment and goal attachment. I break these concepts down and share an example of how these principles prevented me from reaching my fitness goals. I also share homework that will help all of us break these bad habits and get off of the hamster wheel.
[01:36] Think back to January of this year. Even if you didn't make a lot of goals and resolutions, you probably thought of the new year as a fresh start.
[03:43] Let's consider something that you probably haven't thought of. The two main reasons we struggle with achieving goals that we set are 1. identity attachment and 2. goal attachment.
[04:15] Identity attachment is being attached to the way you behave and the outcomes you have and possibly even the struggle.
[04:41] Pain becomes unconscious when it's part of the identity that you have adapted.
[06:45] If you slowly lean into the thing that you want to do, it becomes who you are.
[08:17] I was attached to a woman who is trying to lose weight. I was attached to good enough.
[09:02] If you tell yourself that good enough is fine, you have no incentive to strive for excellence.
[09:47] How do you know that you're addicted to an identity that isn't serving you?
[12:38] I don't want to be a woman who is trying. There is nothing dangerous about trying.
[12:52] The second reason we don't reach our goals is because we're attached to reaching the goal and achieving the outcome versus being the woman who is committed to reaching her goal.
[13:09] You're attached to your goal when you're thinking that reaching it or not reaching it says something about you.
[14:48] Commitment is when you can face down the process of reaching your goal knowing that there will be parts that are hard and parts that are amazing.
[15:05] Homework: Go through an identity breakup. Spend some time grieving the loss of who you used to be. Make notes of all the actions you've taken as part of being her. Recognize mistakes.
Links and Resources:
Dr. Krystal Conner
Dr. Krystal Conner Instagram
Dangerous Woman Manifesto